Fear Lives in the Body. So Does Love.

Life is not perfect. You already knew that.

People let us down. Jobs end. Money runs short. A phone call changes everything. Some of us move from one hard thing to the next without ever really putting our shoulders down.

Most of the misery isn't in the event itself. It's in what the event does to our bodies.

Two roots

There's an old idea, found in many traditions, that underneath all our feelings are two roots: love and fear. Everything else grows from one or the other.

Fear is easy to recognize once you know where to look. Tight shoulders. A knot in your stomach. A heart that won't slow down. Breath that stays high and shallow, like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That's your old protector at work, the fight-or-flight response. It was built to get us away from things with teeth. It's very good at that. It isn't built for overdue bills, hard conversations, or the 3 a.m. what-ifs. So it stays switched on, and it wears us out.

Fear is energy, and energy moves

Here's the part most of us get backwards. We try to push fear away. We distract, we argue with it, we pretend it isn't there.

That's what keeps it stuck.

Fear is energy moving through the body. When you resist it, you trap it. When you notice it, really notice it, without trying to fix it, it starts to lose its grip. Feelings that are allowed to move eventually move on.

So first, notice. Where is the fear right now? Your throat? Your gut? Name it plainly. "There's fear in my chest." That's all.

The shift to love

Then make a gentle turn toward the other root.

1. Bring your attention to the center of your chest, around your heart.
2. Picture the face of someone you love. Let a tender moment come back to you: a laugh, a hug, a hand in yours.
3. Let a good memory from childhood drift in, even a small one. Lightning bugs. A grandmother's kitchen. The smell of rain on a hot sidewalk.
4. Think of three things you're grateful for today, however small.
5. Feel that warmth collect in your chest. Then imagine it spreading, into your shoulders, down your arms, through your belly, all the way to your feet, until there's less room for fear.

It sounds simple because it is. The trick is doing it before the fear has run the whole show. With practice, you'll catch it sooner, and your body will learn the way back.

Love makes room for imperfect

Something else happens when you live closer to love. It gets easier to forgive. Yourself, for not handling everything gracefully. Other people, for being human. Life, for not going the way you planned.

You don't have to wait for things to be perfect to feel at peace. You only have to find your way back to your own heart, as many times as it takes.

If this practice speaks to you, my free guide Small Steps for Heavy Days has twelve more like it for the times when everything feels like too much.

Warmly, Carolyn